it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The air was thick with penises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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