I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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