Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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