so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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