I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize