Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
