after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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