do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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