it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
barbara walters just said penis...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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