Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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