she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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