she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
