The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
