I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
