she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
