That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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