Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize