Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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