The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
