I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
