Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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