Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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