I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
