my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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