five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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