If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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