I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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