Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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