so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
