my shit smells like andre
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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