Just mADE A PArabola og urine
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize