i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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