Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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