Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
