the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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