69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
