My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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