I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All the doctor said was why
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
