I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Your penis caused this!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize