He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
