Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
