wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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