Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there's paper in my vomit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
