I'm so fucking centered right now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
