So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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