i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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