My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
