no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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