I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
