I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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