Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
