Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
