he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dick has a subreddit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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