I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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