just come out here and I will go home with you...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
