your parents love me but you hate me
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
