You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
