had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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