just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
