i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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