Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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