I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
