when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
