I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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