Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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