you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
