I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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