idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
