I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
